Articles & Reviews
THE BUM
LOGLINE
A successful businessman is forced to take two extra jobs including panhandling as a way to pay off the medical debt of his very ill daughter.
FEEDBACK
The Bum has an incredibly emotionally resonant story that offers a lot of struggle bolstered with a heartwarming and upbeat thematic. Focusing on the drastic efforts a man will take to support his ill daughter, the script generates a lot of conflict and an intriguing take on society through its depiction of Gregory’s job at the office, in a restaurant and on the street corner. There is a fascinating thematic of empathy here, as the story shows people being rude to Gregory throughout without having any clue as to the real struggle he is going through, such as the couple at the restaurant or the two men driving in the car in the opening pages. There is an interesting message here of kindness, particularly considering you have no idea what a person may be going through when you treat them less than respectfully. This contributes to that aforementioned upbeat thematic, particularly when Nate forces the truth out of Gregory which provides relief from a welled-up dam of pent up emotions, frustrations and agony.
The Bum by Kyle Scimone
Contest: ScreenCraft Shorts Competition (2019)
Package: Short Screenplay Standard Entry +
Feedback
Date: 08/05/2019
Page Count: 32
Genre: Family
Analyst: 785E5
Rating: N/A
Score: 8.50/10
CATEGORY SCORE
Overall Impression 8.50/10
Plot 8.00/10
Characterization 9.00/10
Concept 9.50/10
Originality 8.00/10
Voice 9.00/10
Style 8.00/10
Structure 7.50/10
Dialogue 8.00/10
Conflict 7.00/10
Pacing 7.00/10
Theme 9.50/10
Catharsis 9.50/10
Muara JohnstonSun May 14 @ 7:14 pm PDT
"Very nice, you made me smile. You have a sense of humor like Shane Black. I thought you did a terrific job in telling us a story, and helping us to understand who you are through the use of character. We can see you are loyal, sarcastic, and adventurous. You like to take risks, and are willing to fail. If those are the character traits you possess, you revealed them perfectly through your story. And if indeed, those are the character qualities you really have, you will make a great writer, because it is all about taking risks and not taking yourself too seriously. Well done."
Archive #2380
There Were 11
Reader #9346
What did you like about this script?
The characters are very specific and easy to visualize. The camaraderie of the FAM is effectively evoked, especially in moments like the silent comedy routine of Kigh, Salts, and Vance on page 22. The banter among the crew is often funny, like Dragon Brains offering lofty-sounding advice about a plan but having to admit when questioned, “We wing it, and hope we get lucky.” Nickname riffs are also funny, like Spoons getting called “Teaspoon.” The origin story of the characters’ powers is well-tied to the villain’s plot, and the shared history of heroes and villain adds an emotional level. Good action sequences, and a big plus that locations in Mexico and Temecula are very filmic.
Hi Kyle,
Your Coverfly Score for There Were 11 just jumped from a 254 to a 321!
This Coverfly Score increase is a result of the performance of your ScreenCraft Action & Adventure Screenplay Competition (2021): Standard Entry with Feedback. Keep in mind that your judges' scores from ScreenCraft may not be visible to you.
NOTE: This is NOT your score for this competition. Your Coverfly Score will not play a factor in whether or not your submission advances in this competition - it's simply a separate metric Coverfly uses to help promote your project to the industry (if you choose to make this project discoverable).
Congratulations, your Coverfly Score is excellent! Your project is among the top projects in our database.
The Coverfly Score is simply a metric used to give projects exposure on Coverfly. A project with a high Coverfly Score will receive more exposure on The Red List and Coverfly Industry Dashboard than a project with a lower Coverfly Score. Such exposure has led to meetings, representation, and paid options for writers through Coverfly in the past - and it's free.